My daughter is getting married. When she showed me her engagement ring, I would love to tell you, I was jumping for joy in excitement. But the truth is… I wasn’t.
In fact, when I heard of the proposal, I got tears of sadness. This wasn’t the man I envisioned for my daughter. Their dating history wasn’t favorable in my eyes and he was rude and disrespectful to me in my own home to the point where we became those parents who closed the door and locked it with a dozen deadbolts.
When we finally unlocked all the deadbolts and welcomed this young man back into our home. My husband was approached with the question of “Do I have your permission to marry your daughter” He was caught off guard. This wasn’t something we were expecting. This was a huge step for this young man. He was asking for our daughter’s hand in marriage, taking that leap of faith knowing he was not favored in our eyes but yet followed through with the courage to do so.
Permission? I think about that question a lot. My in-laws didn’t have permission, so they ran off and eloped. They’ve been married for almost 50 years now, love each other dearly and I’m sure the lack of permission still holds a bit of a grudge in the family. I also think about how my mother would have given my ex-boyfriend permission to marry me. She didn’t know the insides of our relationship. He was a drug addict, abusive and had a lot of issues. He would not have been a good choice for me, but I already knew that. I believe that the Holy Spirit tells us what our answer is. Deep down we know what the right answer is. The hard part is choosing whether or not we accept what the Holy Spirit told us.
My husband could have instantly said No. However being more level headed than I (Shh don’t tell him I said that) didn’t go that route. He didn’t want them to run off or have hard feelings with a decision based on our emotions.
Therefore while talking with him, he explains what the requirement would be in order for him to have his permission.
The requirement isn’t simple. Love her like God loves us.
God’s love is unconditional. There is nothing he won’t forgive us on. HIS love is undeserved. He loves us in spite of our weakness, selfishness, and sin. He loved us so much to provide a way to an abundant, eternal life with his son Jesus.
Can he love her that way? After I put my emotions to the side, I started thinking about my daughter’s relationship and that question. Do they love each other like God loves us? In their 5 years of dating, they’ve had one heck of a roller coaster ride. So many ups and downs, front and back flips, you name it. But each time they’ve reached the end of the ride…… they’ve forgiven each other, loved each other unconditionally.
It’s easier to see the right guy when you look at him the way God does.
We’re excited to plan this wedding. We’re already talking about my daughter wearing and altering my wedding dress, getting save the dates from Minted.Com and places for the reception. Being a young mom in my 40’s. I don’t have a lot of friends planning their daughter’s wedding, in fact, they’re still having babies. It’s an unfamiliar territory and I can’t wait to share this journey with you.
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Sharri cook says
Wow, did I need to read this.
Great answer. Pretty sure I am going to be telling my husband to say this when the time comes.
My daughter grew up in faithful Catholic family. We always talked about she married how proud dad would be walking her down the nave. When she got engaged we were so joyful. Weeks before that I was not feeling good about him. They were living together not something I liked or approved of but kept quiet. She is 28. The just told me they do not want religion apart of their wedding. My daughter doesn’t oppose but it’s him. Why? I am sick to my stomach and not sleeping. The
Positive ; God doesn’t need an invitation This was not what I wanted for her. Faithless man from
Divorce family. I have lives 10 miles from the father and stepmother and we moved here 1.5 years ago and never met them. I don’t like this at all.
Mary, It so hard. You are correct. God doesn’t need an invitation and maybe one day they will renew their vows with HIM in mind. Just remember you have given your daughter a strong foundation and she has the power to change his life/eternal life forever. Continue praying that HE will show him the way.
Kelly C says
Thank you very much for sharing this. We were currently blindsided by out daughters boyfriend of two years not asking us but telling us the other day. It was horrible, we were literally on a skinny little trail in the middle of the woods between a rock and tree. The MOST difficult part of it all? We quickly realized our daughter knew he was telling us right then and as we emerged and caught up to her? She was waiting hopefully looking for our reaction and we didn’t know that. And…I was crying and holding back tears the rest of the day. We’ll get there but oh my goodness, this has been bizarre and so scary for us to watch.
Kelly, it is scary to watch but hopefully those tears will turn in joys soon. My daughter has been married for 3 years now and it’s amazing to see how much God has already worked on their lives. Right from the start. With them taking their martial classes, my son in law started to understand Gods love. And by marrying my daughter his family tree of non believers is changing. As much as I hated to seeing her choose a harder path, their lives are working well together. I still cringe from time to time when I see them doing things I don’t agree with. I think that will be life long. We can only hope that we have built a strong enough foundation for our children to endure the challenges they’ll face. Sending prayers your way!